17-Jun-2024

Fuck this limerence.

You get born, and you don't really like people? to some extent of sometimes hating them? like science, enjoy your solitude, enjoy your own alone time?, congrats we're alike and you get this.

You grow up and at some point you realize that you can't really get far having no social skills and avoiding the crowd, so you start building them soft skills up (not a nice journey).

The sad part is, you know that you can't really lives with anyone (almost impossible, like 99% not doable) because no matter how much you "love" anyone, you'll get bored of them and they need to live and give you back your alone time for a week minimum. And my friend, that's not how any relationship works.

Ok it's clear now you're not getting into anything, but this doesn't stop the fucking fact that you'll STILL end up having feelings for a girl and limerence fucking kills you.
I'm talking making you really...upset... for months, not even weeks, you KNOW this is just limerence and temporary, it will pass. But fuck it it's brutal, and you almost wanna act on it and get into that relationship that you know 99% isn't going to workout.

So far I have not been successful in dealing with it, writing this is partly for my own fun putting shit on a website that no one knows about and possibly reads, and the other part is maybe something new about this will pop up in my mind that will help me get out of this state of limerence while I'm thinking about my thoughts, trying to articulate and explain them.

The unfortunate part is, this feeling or (I'm going to refrain away from saying "depression" since I don't think I have ever suffered from it or diagnosed officially) sad state gets so deep, it makes you think about other things in your life that is:

  1. also wrong
  2. you have no control over to change it
and it multiplies, and multiplies, and multiplies the sad feeling.

You'll continuously think to yourself if you get into this relationship everything in your life will change for the better and you will be happy.
You don't even know if happiness is what you're really after, but it feels right. She will truly feel like she's your hoe (Heaven On Earth). But then again you know this is only temporary and it will pass, or is it real and you should pursue it? talk about a vicious cycle...

I don't know..... I really wish point number 2 above was going right in my life, that would have fixed a ton of shit and I wouldn't need to worry about limerence as much as I do now.
I mean, to some extent point number 2 is what's causing almost all of your problems in life right? so maybe limerence isn't THAT big of a problem as you percieve it to be, maybe just working harder to make those things (point number 2) somehow right, and putting yourself in a better position in life to be able to act on this limerence shit is the way...

I don't know man... still gonna go out there tomorrow doing exactly those things that will put me in a better position so hopefully one day I can act on this limerence and get my hoe?